True Life: A UO Story

Based on the Fun and Havok of Major Asselin, Brian Clifton (Inventor of the Golden Chair!), Gary Esposito,  Tony the pack mule, Kyle Messmer, Chris Barnhart, Phil Ford, Tyler Waddas, The Infamous Teacher, Naked Mage, Matt Clifton, Chrys Blackstone, Aaron Sears, WHN Sears and many more.

Today was just like any other day. Droz wakes up from his blissful slumber, realizing he never made it to bed the night before. Pants around his ankles, he starts for the door to take a peek outside. Six stairs down to the ground, guild stone to the right of the stoop. Squinting his eyes in the morning sunligh, Droz makes out the words on the side of the guild stone. "Murderers and Looters..", Droz whispers to himself, a thin smile cracking over his face. Running back inside of his small, but roomy, three story tower, Droz pulls his pants up and gets ready for the morning ahead. Past his loyal but nervous vendor Wally, and up the stairs to his small battered wooden chest on the floor to the left of the stairs, Droz unlatches the lock and looks at his hard earned treasure from the night before. Thirty-Four gold pieces, two vials of some strange liquid, and small pile of random reagens, with some specific focus on black pearl. With an exasperating sigh, Droz walks up the last flight of stairs to the roof to sit in his favorite chair and rethink the drunken carnage of the night before. Last night there was a guild meeting at the Salty Dog in Britain. Three different guilds were there last night, all seemingly behaving themselves and talking too very loudly over there foaming mugs. Droz's 4 companions; Boba-Fett, Nicole-Brown, Legola, and Daddy were sitting around their usual table when the guild across the pub, The Banana Boys, seems interested in what Nicole Brown was saying.

"So i got the ingots from the motherfucker and ran into the house and smelt them right in front of him! He tried to get away but i grabbed his smithy hammer and beat him to death with it!

"You did what!", Daddy asks spilling his frothing drink with hearty laughter. Boba-Fett sips his drink quietly bobbing his head with silent chuckles.

"So like an hour later, i saw him at the bank, so i took the clothes i got off his dead body and wore them around, then i killed the fucker again because he said i was a dyke. Fucker. Teach him to mess around with MAL!"

The five gentleman wearing yellow pushed their chairs from the table noisily and headed over to the MAL guild table. One rather large fellow with bulging muscles and a yellow beard spoke up first. "That was our guild mate that you killed yesterday!", the large man yelled two inches from Nicole Brown's now squinting face. Beer spittle splayed from the mans mouth accentuating his ever word. "Im gonna keel you bitch! Ill own you!!"

Without the five men seeing, Daddy reacched under the table almost instictivly and picked up his heavy crossbow, pulling a bolt one-handed into the slide. Aiming it directly in the path of the smaller man behind the Muscled fellow, Daddy aims his shot perfectly, and lets the bolt take its course.

"Ahh! Shit! Fuckkk!!!!", The smaller screamed as he looked down to see a red shafted heavy crossbow bolt embedded in his crotch up to the feathers. Ripping the bolt out, the scrwaney man fell to the boards.

Just as the same situation played at last time, Boba-Fett knew this would be an easy kill, as the Banana Boys had no wizard, and were not known as even decent fighters in Britain. "Energy Bolt.. fuckers.", Boba-Fett whispers as he smiles to himself, reaching over the table and putting his hand on the sweaty forehead of the man in Nicole's face.

"Boom.", Boba-Fett said looking into the mans eyes with a broad smile. The last this the muscle-bound fool saw was a bright flash of light as his head was taken completely off his shoulders. The remaining three men, covered in their poor leaders brain matter, decided this wouldnt be the best course of action tonight and took to the streets.. in a hurry.

"A pity. They didnt even have decent loot.", Droz announced aloud to his friends, searching the bodies and picking out a small bag. "Not even worth the effort!" The patrons in the Salty Dog never even relized the disturbance, in part that the repuation of the Murderers and Looters was enough to silence anyone who dare to oppose them.

"Barkeep! Get your faggot ass over here and clean this shit up and be quick about it!", Daddy managed to say around a mouth full of mutton. Droz took a double take then, noticing that daddy had never bothered to put down his mutton during the encounter. "Its fucking good mutton man. Jesus.", Daddy mumbled biting off another piece.

Without a word, Boba-Fett crossed his arms twice in front of him, muttered Vas ort por, and opened a large dark blue gate right in front of them. "Where to tonight gentleman!?", Nicole Brown Said, looking around the table. "How about home? Im tired guys, ill see ya tomarrow.", Droz spoke quickly as he stepped through the gate. Fubling for his keys, Droz opened the door after many confusing moments and fubles, and fell inside, sound asleep.

Chapter One: Belaboring the Obvious

Thinking to himself, Droz possibly shouldnt have left so early last night. Full knowing that the drink he was partaking off was very well poisoned, Droz drank three or four mugs worth to show the other patrons of the Salty Dog that he would not be persuaded not to come back. Im sure after he left, the rest of his guild had a merry bloodbath, one that Droz should not of missed! Pulling out his spellbook, Droz thumbs through the pages and eventually finds the spell for Recall, and his very well used rune to Britain bank. With a wisp of smoke and a terrible gut-wrenching feeling, Droz finds himself on the roof of the bank, next to one of his very good friends.