The Roleplaying Experience.. Part 1
Starring:
Major as the DM.
Gary as the cheesy blademaster.
Tyler as the kobald theif.
Matt as the kobalds theifs brother.
Chris as the elven bard.
Kyle as the human fighter.
Ryan as the rouge dwarf.
Matt Mataka as the bookholder.
Brian as the dwarf fighter, sometimes missing.
Andrea as an onlooker.
Jessica as an onlooker.
And so it begins...
DM: Alrighty guys you ready or what? We have been fuckign sitting her for like 2 hours doing nothing.. jesus chris roll your fucking stats.
Tyler: i didnt cheat man iswear, i rolled them right in front of Major!
Matt: I saw you man. No one has 4 18s on their first roll.
Tyler: Fine you fat fuck ill roll them again.. goddamnit. Major saw me.
Chris: DM is god.. ask him.
DM: No fucking cheats.. gary can cheat tho.
Kyle: Then i can cheat.
Gary: UO king didnt cheat when he killed yo ass! He fucked you up man..
Brian: I fucking saw it, he fucking popped kyle with like one shot.. ::drinks beer::
Kyle: he had a fucking hacked bow nigger! He did like 90 dmg, and the x-bow wasent even magic.
Gary: yeah right charlie, dont make shit up.
Andrea: can we go home now?
ALL: Shut up bitch!
Ryan: someone send her home, im sick of her being here. Pass me the d6's real quick Maj.
Chris: Where is sarah? BTW she gave me a blow-job last night.
Ryan: she is out fucking someone i think. How can i get a fucking 6 in INT? Fuck.
Gary: I hate you Ryan. I fucking hate you motherfucker.
DM: Save it for the game retards. Everyone ready?
ALL: yeah... i guess so..
Tyler: my dex is 21 with this thi..g....
Matt: shut the fuck up stupid.
DM: Okay you all are in a small village named Orindel. Its is abour 2KMs square, end to end. People are all over the place, this is a farming town. Some of the townsfolk talk of a vampire killing farm animals and people during the night. A dead horse lays in the street with holes in its neck. you have al inspected the findings, and it seems like the villiage is willing to pay a handsome sum for the heads of these vampires.
Jessica: horsies! yeee!
DM: ah.....gagg.
Gary: I think Andrea and Jess should get it on right now.
Andrea: can we go home chris?
Chris: Shut up bitch, im sick of hearing you.
((slams door))
DM: people seem to like the party in the town, because ever since you have arrived the poeple have not been attacked and the animals have been spared. You find yourselves in the Inn enjoying a fine cup of brew.
Brian: i feel something brewing! Give me your lighter Kyle quick!
((fart))
ALL: hahaha.. stupid fucker..
Brian: that fucking burned.. was the flame big? pass me a beer.
Ryan: No more beer Brian, you drank it all and puked it all up already.
Brian: oh well, im off to drink some of my moms wine.
Chris: im not going out again tonight goddamnit, i want to play.
Gary: Damnit Chris your gay. you are really gay.
ALL: ::Everyone nods in agreement::
Chris: EH, im not denying it.
Matt: Im gay. Lets get it on Chris.
Gary: Save it for the monkey fool, he has alot of dick to give!
ALL: hahaha...hahaa
Tyler: That monkey is a lvl 20 fighter for gods sake.. hahaha
DM: okay guys, you hear that someone in the fields has been attacked. You notice its dusk.
Kyle: Im runnin'.
Gary, Ryan: We runnin'.
Matt: Im making Tyler cary me out there, cause i have no legs.
Tyler: Hey.
Chris: i guess ill run out there too. What do we see?
DM: whats left of a human like corpse.. its been shredded.
Ryan: Eaten? Or just ripped apart?
DM: its pretty shredded. Like someone chopped it up with small little knives.
ALL: sweet.
Tyler: Im going to eat some of it.. does it look like dog food?
Gary: im going to kill Tyler. Kyle is a jew.
Kyle: fuck you nigger.
Matt: ::rolls dice over and over::
DM: The smell isent that bad, you notice the body isent old. There is a blood trail leading out of the field and into some bushes.
Chris: Ill take a look. Im going to ready my dagger.
Gary: Im whipping out my swords. Ill kill it and make a lampshade out of it. Fuck yea.
DM: hahaha... okay chris, you see a big blood slick behind the bush and some foot prints in the dirt leading to the path away from town.
Ryan: Great. Now we have to leave home..
Matt M.: Can i play?
ALL: NO!
Matt M.: Okay.
Gary: Go home Matt.
((matt leaves room))
Ryan: I hate him.
Chris: we all do.. i remember when i use to go over his hou...s...
DM: whatever, we dont care.. follow the yellow brick road lackeys. ::rolling dice::
Tyler,Matt: DM is rolling dice.. uh oh.
Gary: Please dont let it be kobalds. I kill dogs.
Tyler, Matt: hey now asshole.
Gary: I smoke crack out of their asses too! Fukka!
ALL: what?
Gary: you heard me.
Chris: Just a lil' powder.. lil snow on the bush..
Kyle: Lemme score a bump yo.
DM: Kyle, you get attacked by 4 kobalds.
Kyle: fucking dogs.. okay im going to kick them all to death.
DM: they are all dead.
ALL: Huh?
Ryan: O, O.. its magic.. ya know...
Brian: Hey guys, i miss anything?
DM: No, just your food.. i heard you puked again foo.
Brian: just a lil'.
Ryan: Im not cleaning that shit up again man.
Chris: Sick man.. go clean it.
Brian: No man, im gonna leave it.
((brian leaves again))
Tyler: i think he is going to puke again.
Matt: Not in my fucking room hes not.
ALL: hahahah
DM: Everyone walks down the path as the sun sets. It looks like its going to be a full moon tonight. Roll your perception Gary and Chris.
Gary: dont use my name in the same sentance as Chrises anymore you homo. I fuck Goats.
Chris: what?
DM: so?
Gary, Chris: We got it. Whats going on?
DM: gary and chris, the closest to the past, can see some figures moving in the woods about 200 feet away.
Tyler: I think its a monkey, fucking monkey!
Matt: Its got the filter of love remember.
Kyle: Pass the bowl.
ALL: What bowl?
Kyle: i think i passed out. Flashback or something.
ALL: oh.
Brian: i feel the same way man... ::hurl::
((brian is outside the door, puking))
Ryan: there goes brian again. Jesus christ. Grab my players guide will ya Jessica?
Jessica: What is a players guide? is it a book?
Ryan: NM i got it. Sleep or something.
Jessica: Okay!
((jess sleeps))
Gary: Fuck her in the ass while she sleeps man!