Major's Raccoon Story
Okay about fucking raccoons real quick. Ill tell you the story. I had just recently moved into a new appartment complex down the road from my old duplex. Its a big step up for me, being its bigger, cleaner, and generally in a safer neighborhood. The first night my girlfriend and I spent in our new appartment, we both took the trash out together just to see where it is, and test out the compactor. Its pitch black outside save a dim light connected the side of the garbage compactor, and as we rounded the corner to accend the stairs, i saw about 10 sets of glowing eyes. Jen says, "Are those raccoons? Oh my god." So i chase after the mother fuckers right up to a little dirt path leading behind the dumpster. I screamed some obcenities and left the scene. That next morning i get into my car to goto work, and as im getting in my car, the light hits the car just right so that i can see the hundreds of little raccoon foot prints all over my car. Pissed off, i walk around to check other cars in the parking lot for raccoon foot prints. Not one. Not one fucking foot print anywhere except on my car.
Coming home from work the same day, at about dusk, i roll up and park in an empty parking space against the south side of the parking lot. Right behind the fence is a large expanse of wooded area, followed by a septic plant and drainage pond. As soon as i opened my door to get out of the car, i heard some kind of fighting in the woods. The sounds i heard resembled people wrestling, or someone falling out of a tree over and over. Looking past the fence i see about a dozen raccoons fighting, playing and generally having a good time. Fuckers. Ill skip ahead. Later that night i had to take out the trash again. On the way to the compactor, i check out my car for foot prints and so on... nothing. As i walk up to the compactor, i see the raccoons along side of the dumpster going through trash bags left from the night before. I put down my garbage, and creeped along the side of the dumpster thinking i could sneak up on them and possible kill or capture one. As soon as i rounded the corner of the dumpster they ran, and i gave chase. Down and around the dumpter, along the back of the compactor, and down the dirst path up to a lage chain link fence that was no in good repair. The raccoons ran under a large hole in the fence, and followed another dirt path into the woods. As i came up to the fence i noticed huge chunks of road debris propped up along side of the compactor building, large chucks of old asphalt. I rolled the biggest one i could find (about 3 feet by 4 feet) down the path and up to the hole in the fence. I layed the chuck of asphalt over the hole, and filled the sourrouding holes with more chunks. I have never seen the raccoons since, but to this day i stil find foot prints and raccoon shit all over my fucking car.